53 posts tagged “about me”

I've got my appointment today to have my right eye glared into to try and figure out where the pain is coming from and to see if the optic nerve is still swollen. I'm already knackered, as I am in one of my can't-sleep-for-trying phases - the size of the bags under my eyes would probably be classed as 'baggage trunk' and I would much rather have someone hit me over the head so I can sleep the next few days away.

Oh well - here goes.

I mentioned in the previous entry that I had good reasons, plural, to be away. I've spent much of the past twenty days asleep, feeling quite weak and pretty darned useless.

Every year we get a science fair come to the local leisure centre and Del called up to say it was back in town and did the kids want to go? She came and collected the girls whilst KT and I took Sam with us. I wasn't feeling too great - I felt cold, shivery, incredibly achy all over and hadn't eaten in a few days, but it's not long until Sam is back to school and we wanted to spend as much family time together as possible, so I joined in. I really wished I hadn't. My neck was stiff, I kept getting dizzy and though tried to join in walking around with the kids every step hurt and the room was spinning. My stomach started to cramp and I felt waves of nausea flood through me and I had to ask KT to take me home.

As I wobbled down the path to the front door I realised just how rubbery my legs had become and the pain in my muscles intensified. I had to grab hold of the door frame and wait for the swaying to stop before I could get up the step and although KT waited for me to get safely in, I knew he couln't help me if I fell over, so I took my time. Sweeping up a small bunch of bananas in case I got hungry later, some ibuprofen and a bottle of water I got into bed quick-sharp. I started to shiver and tried warpping myself up more tightly but it didn't work. I felt colder than I can ever remember and was so exhausted I fell asleep. When I awoke I was burning up and sweating so profusely the bed was soaked. I managed to drink a little bit of water before falling deeply asleep again. KT brought the girls home and they came upstairs to check on me. When they awoke me I was cold and clammy to the touch and shivering again. They got all the covers they could find to wrap me in and still I was cold. I thought I must have caught a touch of the flu and decided staying in bed was my best option. The girls stopped with me that night but they were so scared I was going to die that I asked KT to keep them after school the next day. Seeing them in tears because they were so worried was awful and all I could do was give them a little hug and try to reassure them that I would sleep it out.

I have no idea how long I slept for those first few days. I don't have a clock in my bedroom and had left my phone (aka my watch) at KT's, but I know there was an awful lot of sleeping. I got up regularly to be sick and to use the loo and then stumbled back into bed. I didn't go downstairs for days, the girls coming to check on me when they came to get school books and refilling my water. The shivering and alternate temperature stayed, the pain in my muscles was at time unbearable and my life became nothing but going to the bathroom and sleeping.

After a few days of this, I phoned the surgery and asked for an appointment to see the doctor. I wasn't feeling much better and I hate feeling ill. KT drove me into town and I managed to not be sick, which I felt was quite an achievement. He came in with me as I was still a bit rubber legged and I needed to lean on him and the doc started his prodding. After listening to my chest, checking my temperature and asking a whole heap of questions, he announce he thought I had a rotavirus and that he wanted me to do a 'sample'. He told me to keep wrapped up and to drink lots of water and sent me on my way with a little bottle with a tiny plastic shovel in it. What joy.

KT phoned me the next morning to see about taking the little bottle back to the surgery and was a little irked when I asked if he could do it alone. He turned up at the house, wrapped in a towel and persuaded me to go back to the flat with him to help him sort his trousers. I went in, got dressed and grabbed a beaker and asked him to drive carefully. In the two minute journey I was sick twice, and I think he then appreciated just how ill I still felt. Trousers were pulled up and I got to go back home to bed. Last friday I got a phone call from the doctor to tell me I had been infected by a bacteria called Campylobacter, which gives similar symptoms to Listeria and Salmonella. He explained that the lab would have notified public health and to be aware they may get in touch. He explained that it's normally contracted through eating raw poultry and that he would leave a prescription for antibiotics to be collected.

I was already starting to feel a little more human than I had. I wasn't so unstable on my legs, though I was still falling over. I wasn't being as sick as I had been and each night I went to sleep expecting to feel more alert and bright the next morning. To say I was peed off when I awoke on saturday morning with a painful chest, breathing difficulties and a horrendous cold isn't saying the half of it. I kept doing big walloping sneezes, in fits that lasted for up to five minutes, each time feeling as though my head and chest were going to burst and trying desperately to draw in breath without it hurting so much. I had heart palpitaions and weird little flutterings in my chest. KT asked me to return to the surgery, but I am a stubborn old fruit and said no, I thought it would sort itself out. Tuesday morning I was convinced to go back when a two minute phone call left me so short on breath that I felt dizzy and upset. I explained to the doctor that my chest really hurt at the back (it's always the same place) and he had a listen and a tap and said that he thought I may have a touch of pleurisy and the antibiotics would be taking care of it. He told me I'd had a 'notifiable disease' and no-one expected me to be up and doing the gardening yet (I did!) and seemed happy to leave it at that so I started to get up to leave when KT mentioned the flutterings and palpitations. The doc got a serious face on and did a few little tests which he certainly seemed happy with - my oxygen content was better than his has ever tested at, my blood pressure was good and as a precaution decided to send me to the nurse to get an ECG done. I've never had a heart tracing done before and was entirely pleased when that came back okay, especially as three maternal uncles, my maternal grandmother and great grandmother, a paternal aunt and two paternal uncles have all died from cardiomyopathy and my dad has an abnormal heart rhythm which means he needs his heart shocked. What I've not been so happy about is the enduring weakness, exhaustion, nausea and general feeling of being a lil bit helpless. I've also got hayfever, sinus pain from the pollen from the white blossoms near us and the most uncomfortable pain behing my right eye. This has been a problem for months now and I finally went to the opticians this week. I explained about how my sight has gone blue a few times and about the pain and the optometrist had a really good look in my eyes. She's discovered my optic nerve is swollen and referred me to the hospital. She also did a colour test and I was slightly amazed that although I could see the orange dots that made up the number 8 clearly with my left eye, with my right eye they became dull greeny-grey ones, something which has never happened to me before. Still, at least I may soon get an explanation for the constant pain behind my eye and the blue filtered look the world took on. 

I have this little thing that means I don't eat unless I am hungry. Some days, not many, it means I eat almost constantly, snacking on frozen grapes, cereal bars, apples, bananas - actually pretty much anything that's easy to pick up and eat without preparation. The rest of the time, I find it hard to stick to having a set meal. Even when I cook for the kids, I don't always feel hungry, so I wont eat then and the next thing you know, my tummy starts to rumble and I realise of course it's growling at me because I haven't eaten in the past few days.

Back before Easter, I tried an experiment and I set the alarm on my phone to remind me to eat at least twice a day. I'd have porridge or a handful of Bite-Sized Shredded Wheat and happily take 30 minutes or so to eat them. Then I was feeling quite unwell for a few months and didn't have an appetite again, so it all got forgotten.

Talking to KT about something we both heard on the radio, I realised two things. One, I had been craving porridge recently and two, he mentioned how bright and sparky I had been when I was making the effort to eat my porridge all those months before and I realised how right he was.

My affirmation is that I  ♥ Porridge and starting with the mugful that has just taken me an hour to eat, I am going to make a concerted effort to eat at least a mugful each day, whether I want it or not and even if I eat nothing else.

I have been bitten by some unknown insect that left me with a large itchy lump on the back of my hand which ended up looking like a chickenpox scab and almost three weeks later, there is still a mark there.

The day before last, I asked Number Two Daughter to look at my back for me as it had been driving me to distraction all day with one part being incredibly itchy. She mentioned there were two little marks near to each other and scratched around them. Yesterday, I got KT to check it out as I really felt it was going to send me mental. He told me that there were two large bite marks that were so close it had formed a large welt. N2D took a photo with KT's finger in shot to show me perpective and it was huge.

Last night, the familiar burning itch was on my leg and sure enough, there was a large welting bite there too. I don't know what's suddenly taking a fancy to me, but I sure as heck know my body doesn't like it.

Kadeeae has tagged me and below is how to participate once I've tagged YOU...

Here's how it works...

    * Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

    * People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.

    * At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.

    * Don’t forget to leave them a comment on their blog and tell them they’ve been tagged, and to come back and read your blog for the whole story.

1. When I was a child, I wanted to live in a Hobbit house so much that I completely designed one for when I was older and obviously incredibly rich. It included a main circular hall in the centre of it with a raised skylight that I would be able to sit and watch the stars and storms through. Turns out that KT had a similar desire for a Hobbit home in his life when he was a nipper as well.
2. I tend to carry a notebook, sketchbook and assorted stationary with me at all times. I use them for quick jottings, to make notes of things I hear on the radio, to tear bits out to give to the kids to stave off boredom, to doodle, etc..
3. When I feel really unwell, I crave Marmite and Cheese & Onion crisp sarnies. I'm thinking it's a salt thing.
4. My hair falls out really easily. Each time I brush or comb it, I end up with a fairly hefty sized ball of hair. Each time I was pregnant I got bald patches at my hairline where my fringe is - though I don't think it's related.
5. I get really hot, really easily. When other people are hurrying through what I know is chilly weather and all wrapped up as well, I am the freak wandering about in a t-shirt. I only tend to feel the cold when it's freezing and below or when I am ill.
6. I've very recently discovered a penchant for slow roasted veggies - especially parsnips. I used to loathe parsnips.
7. I'm a nail biter. I've stopped a few times but the first sign of stress will usually start me nibbling again. KT usually knows if I have been talking to my mum or have to call her because there is major nail decimation then.
8. I really, really wanted to be a mermaid when I was younger. I spent hours in the swimming pool, staying underwater for as much of it as I could. I thought I was terribly graceful. I joined three swimming clubs, swam for my school etc. and daydreamed of swimming when I wasn't doing it. At 11 we moved to somewhere that was miles from the nearest local pool and apart from participating the one and only time my school had a swimming gala, I have never been swimming, properly, since.

I tag - anyone who wants to do it - I knwo there are few people who have been slapped with this more than once recently.  

UM 275

State :: of War
Lively :: Sprightly
Valet :: Service
Traction :: Engine
Official :: Programme
Red hot :: Chili Peppers
Powder :: Keg
Replies :: Answers
Flagrant :: Disregard
Tweet:: E-pie ;o)

Unconscious Mutterings

UM 274

Thug :: Bully
Slurp :: Slushie
Alley :: Cat
Sweater vest :: Nerd
Targeted :: Area
Snazzy :: Shades
Oy! :: Vey!
Jury duty :: Responsibility
Low fat :: Yogurt
Responsibility :: Purpose

UM 273

Questioning :: Look
Immunity :: Safety
Online dating :: Lucky Dip
Calcium :: Deposit
Dressing :: Up
Bucket :: Head
Stain :: Remover
Advanced :: Furtherment
Dramatic :: Exit
Self-medication :: Ibuprofen

No UM 272 in the archives so:

UM 271

Silence :: Deafening
Wall :: Brick
Killed :: Murdered
Wishful :: Thinking
Poodle :: 's Arse
Sullen :: Glance
Do not disturb :: Sign
Philadelphia :: Cheese
Anticipation :: Teasing opportunity 
Sidewalk :: Hopscotch

UM 270

Nutritious :: and delicious, tastes just like chicken
Graduate :: College
Tonight! :: West Side Story
Located :: HERE
Weapon :: of Choice
Jumper :: Cable
Collectibles :: Dust magnets
Dennis :: The Menace
Hostile :: Intentions
Vivid :: Imagination

UM 269

Stuffed :: Animal
Gills :: Stuffed to the
Distance :: Runner
Panties :: Hooge
Checkered :: Past
Fill in :: Forms
Taunting :: Mean activity
Diner :: American
Pizza :: Base
Best friend :: KT

UM 268

Money :: Can't buy you love
Unhappy :: Clown
Joking :: Aside
Chipmunk :: Theodore
Date :: Stamp
Slideshow :: Flickr
Chicago :: Town Pizza
Lifetime :: Achievement
Skid row :: Down and Out
Edward :: Bear

UM 267

Paranormal :: Activity
Alarm :: Bells
Operative :: Word
Changing :: Places
Framed :: Photo
Beer :: Keg
Referral :: Sent on
Unmasked :: Revealed
Movie star :: Glamour
Handbook :: Hitch-Hiker's Guide

UM 266

Homicide :: Detective
Divisive :: Unsettled
Flash :: Ahhh! He'll Save Every One Of Us!
Steaming :: Pile
Crunch :: Number
Look out! :: Duck!
Anticipating :: Waiting
Slim :: Jim
Navel :: Jewel
Help :: I Need Somebody

UM 265

Chemical :: Brothers
Poker :: Face
Federal :: Agent
Mattress :: Cover
Who am I? :: Guess Who
Investigation :: Federal Bureau of
In good hands :: Handing over trust
8:30 :: am
Creditors:: Owed
Resource :: Library

my dad called earlier. He doesn't get in touch very often and we never speak for long, but he wasn't about when I was a child (I think I maybe saw him 5 or so times when I was wee) as I was the result of an affair and each of my parents have their own version of why things didn't work out. His is heartwarming and he always tries to put mum in a good light. Mum's is all about what a shit he is. I've found it out things I've never known in some of these small conversations and afterall, it is nice to talk occasionally. None of my family, on all sides (yes, all - I have a weird assed family), is good at keeping in touch. My mum moved and I found out because I happened to be with my step-dad when he went to collect my brother for something. She was absolutely adamant that she'd told me she'd moved. The last thing I had known about it, was when I was round hers helping decorate for a possible future move. Possible. It turned out she'd been offered £20k more than she'd been planning to ask for and in cash as well, so moved within a week.

Today, I was reminded of how out of the loop I am with my dad's side.

First I was asked if I'd been invited to my sister and brother in law's big 21st wedding anniversary do at the end of next month. It takes these little events to get us all together. I hadn't heard, but to be honest, Heather isn't the best at keeping address and phone details in a safe place and they'd only decided to have this party a few days back, so I shook that off as a 'maybe she'll get in touch'.

Then, it was dropped into the conversation that Heather and Co had moved - 2 months ago. Their eldest daughter had gotten into a bad crowd and the family were having problems with them so just decided to up and move. Again, I decided, no biggie - I just thanked goodness that I didn't have time to drop in when we headed to that part of the country last month, because I just hate making a prat of myself.

Then he dropped another bombshell. My Granny up in Scotland died in January and no-one had told me. I sobbed silently as he told me that she'd always asked after me and the children and that she never forgot about me. I'd only met her twice and both times very briefly, but she was warm hearted and funny and I finally realised why I would never get a snazzy pair of ankles. She told me how much I look like some of the aunts I have never met when they were my age and I could see so many similarities between us. It was also good to find out that the women on both sides of my family are short and fat so it was time to get real and forget about being tall and slim. I've never had the cash to go and visit her and I don't drive so that wasn't an option and now I wont get to meet her again as I'd hoped.

I feel fucking angry and miserable. I'm off to curl up on the sofa with my tissues.

[edit: I totally forgot when I was typing this out to mention that I have been in pretty regular touch with my brother Brian by email, have visited Heather's (Brian and BIL were in) on one of our mega journeys, spoken to Heather and BIL on the phone on a couple of occasions and chatted with both Dad and step-mum a few times since the start of the year and when I've asked how everyone is, I've been told 'well'.] 

No idea why, but I just thought I'd ask... assuming you ladies out there do your exercises, when do you do them? Is there a regular time that you attempt them or does something remind you?

I've discovered that I do some when I am watching Neighbours, more when I am drifting off to sleep at night. I even do some occasionally when I am doing stuff online.

I do not want to be some dribbly old dear who smells of wee.

 Passport :: Photo
Small world :: It's a...
Radio :: Gaga
Marine :: Life
Wall :: to wall carpeting
Wanna be :: a rockstar
Pigtails :: Me!
Hyphen :: Connection
9.99 :: and a penny change from a tenner!
Unrated :: Unmarked

Unconscious Mutterings

(link button not working sooo: http://subliminal.lunanina.com/)

What is your favorite scent or smell and why? 
Submitted by Nebraska Plates.

Yardley's April Violets. It was my nan's favourite scent and I still have a couple of the little china barrels that it was in that were hers. It's kind of a family favourite and I often have people sniff me and say that I smell of parma violets when I wear it. It's sweet and old fashioned and I love it.